…but words can really hurt you

The thought occurred to me that you cannot unsay a cruel word. A spoken cruel word is like a shot bullet. It’s difficult to grab that spent bullet and stuff it back in the gun barrel. How many times have we said something, only to wish we could take it back? You cannot un-ring a bell any more than you can retract a word uttered in anger.

What we can do is ignite the brain before we ignite the spewing of regrets. Oftentimes it’s better to step back from verbiage when anger is present. Some people count to 10, some walk away in indifference, while others say cruelties they may forever feel sorry for having spoken. Just as it’s not safe to smoke a cigarette while putting gas in the car, it’s not safe to throw angered fuel on smoldering emotions. Both parties get burned.

Sometimes silence is the most powerful noise in the world. If you’re in the face of confrontation, participating in a war of words just elevates the severity of the altercation — it never resolves a difference of opinion. Silence should never be used as a passive/aggressive weapon. It should be explained in a calming tone: “I think we need to think this over (the issue or confrontation) and discuss it when we’re more receptive to one another.”

We must remember that meanness doesn’t just happen overnight. More than not, a confrontational issue has been festering within for some time. It’s like a volcano: One day you’re sitting on Playa Bruja enjoying a margarita; the next thing you know there’s a hurricane heading your way.

There are efficient relationships and there are effective relationships. If you’re in an efficient relationship, you do things right. When you’re in an effective relationship, you do the right things! There’s a major difference.

Every path we take will always have a few puddles. If we look ahead of our own egos we can avoid walking with soggy socks. Anticipation and communication will always assist you as you walk through life. When you do the right thing, confrontations diminish. Most of the stuff people worry about never happens anyway.

Terrance K. Phillips is a speaker, syndicated columnist and author of "Heart Attack-ed, The Divorce Disease," "Lunch, Laughter and Love," and the "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happy Hour" book series. Questions, info: www.focalpointbooks.com.