The practice of compassion is the practice of peace

In my computer I have a whole file on “mindfulness.” Originally I became aware of the term while studying for my Masters in spirituality, and later, through my son-in-law, who has a Ph.D in psychology. I’ve found this simple concept to be one of the most useful and effective ways to balance my life, so I can be the most grateful, joyful and present in each precious moment.

Mindfulness is a simple idea, really: To be completely present in the moment. Consider this: You are not your thoughts. Our thoughts take us away from being here now. If I’m thinking about the past, or worried about the future, I’m a prisoner of my thoughts. When I take a moment to observe myself having thoughts, I’m no longer the thoughts; I get to be and observe at the same time, without being critical or judgmental. That’s why if we focus on our breath, which always occurs in the here-and-now, it draws us into the present. Keep bringing yourself back to your breath, over and over. From that vantage point you can observe as past and future attempt to draw you away from the moment.

Mindfulness points one in the direction of being aware of the present moment. An individual makes a choice to be in the moment, and in that choice is a realization.

Applying this principle to communication - mindful communication - will bring you peace, and perhaps give you the clarity and compassion to understand other ways you can fill the world with more love. Mindfulness is also about listening. A “mindful listener” is one who:

• Processes the “whole” message - not only the words, but the tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures and the silences between words. 
• Makes the speaker feel valued and respected.
• Is able to sustain concentration and remember the speaker’s message as accurately as possible several days later.
• Listens as they speak - choosing words and non-verbal ways of expression that match as closely as possible the intended meaning.  

Mindfulness allows people to increase their ability to deflect negativity and judgmental thoughts. Mindful people see things as they are, rather than filtered through their own emotions and history, and therefore tend to be less reactive (responding with anger, defensiveness or withdrawal to something a partner said). They also become much more aware of things, including the beauty of the world around them. 

With all this comes a profound sense that our physical separation is an illusion, that we are all part of something larger. As Einstein said, “A human being experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest…a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.”

People who become mindful are able to move out of what Einstein calls “optical delusion” and increase their compassion. The practice of compassion is the practice of peace.

Steps to mindful communication and compassion 

1. Listen. This seems obvious, but real listening brings inner stillness. Learn to focus fully on what you and another person are saying. This is a mindful practice – shifting your attention from your own thoughts to another’s, without judging or reacting.
2. Become aware of your own thoughts and feelings. Taking your turn as the speaker is an opportunity to practice awareness of your own thoughts and feelings. But unlike meditation, when you try to still the chatter of thoughts, as the other person asks you “is there more?” you get a chance to really follow these thoughts and learn their origin. The other person then mirrors them back to you. The next time these thoughts come up, you’ll find yourself less absorbed in them or the associated pain. This, in turn, helps you to be present for others.
3. You create a sacred space. You and the other person create this sacred space together. It includes you both and connects you both; a deep experience of connectedness, and of the idea that in addition to each of you, physically separate, there’s a relationship that’s real.
4. Empathy leads to compassion. As we learn to practice empathy with another person, it extends to others, too. And empathy lies at the heart of compassion.